


Raccoon Man

by BlaineBaron



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Feral Behavior, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I think there's fluff anyways??, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlaineBaron/pseuds/BlaineBaron
Summary: A little collection of mish-mash chapters revolving around a feral fucking gman.Enjoy, maybe.
Relationships: Gordon Freeman & Tommy Coolatta
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

It’s dark, late, and Gordon didn’t want to be awake either. But there was just an incessant jittering from outside, sounded like a raccoon got into the trash again. Well, could’ve been something other than a raccoon, since when he got outside it sounded  _ louder _ . 

  


Hopefully it was just a raccoon.

  


I mean, there couldn’t be anything bad out here, right? The aliens were all killed - hopefully - and Gordon could just relax at his own home with his little found family.  _ So please tell him that the only thing he has to fight tonight is a raccoon _ .

  


He turned the corner of the house, poking his head towards the backyard where he kept the trash cans. It was, unsurprisingly, jittering about. A few pieces of ripped paper getting tossed out of the trash can as it went on.

  


Gordon sighed, and walked over towards it. He still stayed a safe distance back so that it wouldn’t be able to jump out at him, but a good distance away that he could still be threatening. Maybe. 

  


He didn’t even have to shout anything for the trash can to tip over, all of the contents of it spilling out and-

  


_ That’s Tommy’s dad _ .

  


What the fuck. Last time Gordon checked, Tommy’s father was  _ not _ a raccoon- Or he was, and Gordon was just completely blind and his glasses couldn’t fix that.

  


Gordon continued staring down at the man, noticing that his suit, which was normally clean and proper, was now ripped up at the edges. Strange shit happening out behind the house at 2 AM.

  


Gordon was about to say something, before Gman snapped his head up towards him and Gordon clicked his jaw shut. His eyes were either glowing from the flashlight, or he just wasn’t human. Well, if Gordon was being honest Gman probably wasn’t human. 

  


It hissed, before clearing his throat slightly. Gordon was pretty sure he was coughing foam out of his mouth. Then, in a voice weathered by disuse, growls, “ _ Mr. Freeeeeemannnnnn... _ ” 

  


Now, Gordon would have been able to handle that voice if the circumstances were different. They were not. Gordon took a step back, the flashlight shaking lightly in his grip. He kept his ground though, staring down at the usually calm man on all fours like a feral beast.

  


“ _ Mr. Freeemmannnnn.. _ ” He continued, his voice still hoarse.

  


No, actually Gordon  _ wasn’t _ going to deal with this bullshit right now. He was having a great dream before this man decided to go feral and garbage dive at midnight.  _ A great dream _ .

  


Before Gman could continue whatever the fuck it was it was going to continue, Gordon turned around and speedwalked back to the front door. He didn’t care if Gman followed him in, but it didn’t feel like he was going to do that.

  


And Gordon was right. Before he closed the front door, he could hear the trash can begin to jitter again.

  


God fucking damn it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what, I'm just going to write about this now. Little writing thing to make me happy!! The chapters probably won't smoothly connect, but I don't think that matters. It's all going to be based off of a crack writing thing anyways so- Just enjoy please <:)

“Hey Tommy, uh.. Can we talk?”

Gordon didn’t want to talk about last night, mainly because he thought it was a fever dream, but he knows it wasn’t. He went back outside earlier this morning, and saw that the trash was still fucked up.

“About what Mr- Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asked, turning over towards him. He held a coffee mug in his hand, but Gordon was pretty sure it was full of fuckin’ Dr. Pepper instead of coffee.

“Well, I..? Don’t know how to put this?” Gordon hated how unsure he sounded, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “Uhm..”

“Is it bad? Or- Or is it just embarrassing?” Tommy tilted his head, walking over to the table to sit down next to Gordon. He put down his mug - Which yes, it was full of Dr. Pepper - and crossed his hands together.

“It’s, well? It’s definitely something, I know that.” Gordon grit his teeth, slumping over in his chair slightly, “Your dad, is he- Is he okay?”

“Why wouldn’t he- Is there something wrong with- with my dad?” 

“No!- No, nothing’s, uhm- Nothing’s  _ wrong _ , it’s just, hhh…”

“Mr. Freeman?” 

Oh, okay. So that specific name is now going to forever bring his mind back to the image of Tommy’s father hunched over on all fours hissing at him. Okay, this was fine.

“Your dad is fucking  _ feral _ , man.” Now that was easy to say, but how to explain, “He fuckin’ -  _ God, _ \- Your dad was diggin’ in the trash last night, Tommy! It was insane!”

Tommy’s expression dropped slightly when Gordon spoke, almost matching his own concern. Before he switched back to laughing lightly, putting a hand up to his face, “Mr- Mr. Freeman, he just gets like that sometimes! Don’t you- Don’t you ever want to dig in the trash sometimes too? It’s fun!”

If Gordon was a goddamn computer program, he’d be pretty sure a little notification like ‘Gordon.EXE has stopped working’ would appear over his head by now. But he was human, so he just resigned to his fate of dealing with whatever malfuckery everyone else gave him.

“Mr. Freeman are you okay?” Tommy asked after a few moments of Gordon’s silence, frowning gently, “I know that- That you’re not used to that.. People digging in the trash at 2 AM..”

Gordon stopped, looking back over at Tommy for a second. He didn’t tell him the 2 AM part. “Tommy, did your dad tell you about this already?”

“Yeah, when I woke up! He told me that he was working- That he was outside last night around 2 AM! And that if- if you asked about I should say that, uh-” Tommy paused, taking a quick sip of his Dr. Pepper, “That he was working in the trash.”

“He wasn’t working, that was more like he was going rabid.”

“Well, people work in different- Different ways, Mr. Freeman.”

“He was literally eating paper out of the trash, Tommy. He coughed foam out of his mouth.”

“That just sounds like he was- Like he worked in a different way than usual last night!”

“Tommy I thought he was a raccoon.  _ Tommy. _ ”

“Well, he’s not, and I’m not a raccoon.” Tommy shrugged as if this was a regular thing to say, before he stood up and took another sip from his mug, “I’m going- Mr. Freeman, I think you should go back to sleep if you- If you believe that my father is a raccoon.”

“I’m?” That was all Gordon could muster out of himself before he watched as Tommy walked out of the kitchen and, most likely, back to his own room.

What the fuck was that goddamn conversation.


End file.
